20+ years of meditating, here is what I have learned…

10 transmissions that stuck

by Jennifer Finch, LPC, NCC, SEP

January 16, 2023

After two plus decades of sitting, standing, walking, contemplating, learning, teaching, sharing, experiencing meditation of all kinds, the positive transmissions are conclusive, instilled, embodied and carried within me every moment of every day.

Whether you choose to take 5 minutes a day, or 40, take a crash course, go on a weekthun, a long retreat or take a sabbatical and head to a mountain cliff for a year, the beginning is where you start. And we all start where we are. But if you dedicate YOU to YOURSELF, however your practice unfolds, you will discover that life is joyous, beautiful and full of miracles. We can transform our pain and suffering and cultivate benevolent change. There is a path to end our suffering. Here is what I have learned so far…

Finding your True Nature is an act of LOVE.

Living from substantial confidence

expreSSING YOUR TRUE NATURE IS AN ACT OF REBELLION.

Growth is stretching your emotional capacity.

tolerating discomfort, pain and suffering gives us stability.

WE DON’T TOLERATE MORE BULLSHIT, IN FACT QUITE THE OPPOSITE, BUT WE LEARN TO FACE OUR ACTUAL REALITY HOW IT ACTUALLY IS. REALLY AND TRULY. NO BLINDERS, COGNITIVE DISSONANCE, UNNECESSARY ANXIETY, OR DENIAL. SOMETIMES IT SUCKS, AND IT’S HARD, BUT WE CANNOT TURN AWAY FROM IT OR WE RISK SPLITING OURSELVES INTO FRAGMENTS. WHEN WE GROW A TOLERANCE TO FACE AND HANDLE OUR OWN LIVES, SUFFERING AND ALL, WE ARE WHOLE BEINGS (NOT FRAGMENTED, OR SEVERED FROM OUR OWN SELVES).

We must take responsibility for our own lives.

owning our part in all of it is a must.

THERE IS NO CALVARY COMING TO SAVE US. WHAT HAPPENED TO US IS NOT OUR FAULT. AND HOW WE HAVE ORGANIZED OURSELVES IN THE WORLD, ALL OF OUR DEFENSIVE STRUCTURING WAS NECESSARY TO SURVIVE. BUT WHATEVER WAS DELIVERED, IT IS NOW UP TO US TO FIND OUR WAY OUT OF OUR OWN SUFFERING. UNFORTUNATELY NO ONE ELSE CAN DO THIS JOB. IF WE DON’T TURN AROUND AND FACE FORWARD, FACING ALL OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO US, WE CHANCE WALKING BACKWARDS INTO OUR FUTURE WHERE STAGNANT ILL-HEALTH AND DIS-EASE CUMULATE. BE BRAVE. BE COURAGEOUS AND WALK FORWArD INTO YOUR LIFE. LET EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU DEFINE YOU! DRIVE ALL PAIN INTO ONE AND LET IT BE THE INSPIRATION AND THE MOTIVATION FOR YOU TO HELP YOURSELF FIRST AND THEN OTHERS.

Resistance is part of the process.

WHEN WE TRY TO KILL OFF OUR STRONG EGO-IDENTITY (THE PART THAT DOESN’T KNOW WHO IT IS WITHOUT OUR PAIN) IT WILL INEVITABLy COME UP WITH CLEVER, CRAFTY TACTICS TO RESIST LETTING GO OF OUR PAIN.

PROCRASTINATION, AGITATION, BUSY-NESS, OVERWHELM, CONSTANT RETURNS OF UNNECESSARY PURCHASES, ADDICTIONS, ALCOHOL, WORK, CONSUMING, EATING, BUYING, GAMBLING, NOT DOING ANYTHING OR TAKING ZERO STEPS FORWARD…THESE ARE STRONG HOLDS OUR EGO HAs ON US. WORK WITH THE RESISTANCE BY GOING SLOWLY, GENTLY, AND TAKING ONE TINY STEP FORWARD IN YOUR LIFE.

There is NO SAFETY.

NOT ABSOLUTELY, 100%. YOU DON’T FIND YOUR GROUND BY SCANNING FOR SAFETY. WHEN YOU FIND GROUND IN INSTABILITY, WHEN YOU SEE THAT LIFE IS CONSTANTLY FLUCTUATING YOU PARADOXICALLY FIND STABILITY AND CULTIVATE AN INTERNAL SENSE OF SAFETY

SAFETY DOESN’T EXIST OUT THERE. IT EXISTS WITHIN YOURSELF. WHEN WE CONSTANTLY SCAN FOR SAFETY IT IS FUTILE. WE CANNOT EXPECT THE WORLD TO CONFORM TO US. WE NEED TO BE ADAPTABLE TO EVENTS THAT ARE IN FACT UNSAFE. WHEN WE RE-DISCOVER AND FEEL AN INTERNAL LOCUS AND FELT SENSE OF SAFETY AND CONFIDENCE WITHIN, WE CAN HANDLE MORE OF WHAT THIS WORLD DELIVERS TO US ON A DAILY BASIS.WE NEED TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE THE BIG THINGS: CANCER, DEATH, LOSS, GRIEF TO NAME A FEW. IF WE WAIT FOR THE WORLD TO BE SAFE, FOR OUR WORK PLACE TO BE SAFE, FOR OUR PARTNERS AND SPOUSES TO DELIVER US SAFETY…..IT WILL TAKE AN ETERNITY. FINDING SAFETY WITHIN YOURSELF CAN BEGIN RIGHT NOW.THEN YOU CAN WALK ANYWHERE AND BE UNFLAPPABLE.

External sources of comfort are setting you up to fail.

WHEN WE REACH OUTSIDE OF OURSELVES FOR COMFORT WE HAVE NO ABILITY TO SELF-SOOTHE.

COMPARISON MIND IS A SLIPPERY SLOPE. SOCIAL MEDIA IS A WHOLE LOT OF BULLSHIT HOAXES THAT LEAVE US FEELING EMPTY. WE TAKE ONE LOOK AND WANT TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE, ANYWHERE BUT IN OUR OWN LIFE. WE FEEL WE DESERVE A NICE HOUSE WITH A REMODELED KITCHEN, A GOOD STABLE JOB, PRAISE, RECOGNITION FOR OUR HARD WORK. ALL OF THESE ARE EXTERNAL. EVEN SEEKING COMFORT FROM OUR LOVED ONES IS NOT A CONSTANT AND CAN AT TIMES BE UNRELIABLE AND UNAVAILABLE. IF YOU NEED TO PHONE A FRIEND AND NO ONE RETURNS YOUR CALL…THEN WHAT? WE MUST LEARN TO SELF-SOOTHE. AND THEN WHEN OUTSIDE EXTERNAL SOURCES DO PROVIDE COMFORT IT IS A BONUS.AN EXPECTATION IS A RESENTMENT WAITING TO HAPPEN.

Knowing where you are is essential.

we miss our lives if we believe there is some future moment that is going to bring us happiness.

KNOWING WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW AND ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE THERE IS AN ACT OF PURE AWARNESS AND COMPASSION. SITTING ON THIS CHAIR, READING, BORED, AGITATED, WANTING TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE, CAN YOU SIT AND BE RIGHT THERE WITH ALLLLLLL OF IT? TRAINING TO KNOW WHERE WE ARE AND ALLOWING OURSELVES TO NOT MEDDLE WITH ANY OF IT AND JUST BE RIGHT WHERE WE ARE IS ESSENTIAL TO THE PRACTICE.

March to your own beat.

WE OFTEN NEED TO REBEL AGAINST ALIGNMENT TO OUR WORLD AND THOSE IN IT TO DISCOVER OUR TRUE NATURE.

GETTING INTO ALIGNMENT IS EASY. WE MERGE WITH OTHERS EMOTIONS LICKETY-SPLIT. WE FIGURE OUT WHAT WE NEED TO DO TO STAY PART OF THE KINSHIP, THE SYSTEM, TO BE A PART OF THE FAMILY. BUT WE ARE FORSAKING OUR ALIGNMENT WITH OUR OWN SELVES WHEN WE CONSTANTLY REQUIRE THE VALIDATION OF OTHERS AND CONFORM. FINDING OUR OWN VOICE, OUR OWN POTENTIAL TO SPEAK, OUR OWN STRENGTH AND INTELLIGENCE DOES NOT COME FROM NEWS OR FACEBOOK OR EVEN OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY. WE MUST GET OUT OF ALIGNMENT TO SEE WHO WE REALLY ARE.UNDERNEATH ALL OF THAT CONFORMING BUY IN, IS COMPASSION, BENEVOLENCE, AND BASIC GOODNESS. WE ARE HERE TO CONNECT IN KINDNESS. TO HELP OTHERS. AND TO LOVE AND BE LOVED.

Becoming anti-fragile isn’t bullying ourselves into self-love, love or enlightenment.

we learn more graciously out of respect, and gentleness. be kind. BE RESPECTFUL.

WE LEARN INCREDIBLY SLOW AS HUMANS. OTHERWISE THE WORLD WOULD BE CHOKE-FULL OF ENLIGHTENED, COMPASSIONATE BEINGS WHO CARE ABOUT THE PLANET AND THOSE LIVING ON IT. BUT SLOW IS FINE IF WE ARE EFFORT-FULL. WE CAN CHOOSE TO BE CONSCIOUS OF OUR OWN BEHAVIORS, AND WORK HARD TO BECOME MORE CONSCIOUS OF WHAT IS DRIVING US TO STAY STUCK UNDERNEATH. HOW ARE WE IMPACTING THE WORLD AND OUR LOVED ONES? IS THERE A WAY TO BRING ONE SMALL CHANGE IN OUR LIVES EACH DAY AND ALSO BE KIND AND GENTLE TO OURSELVES AS WE DO THIS HARD WORK? BECOMING ANTI-FRAGILE MEANS WE ARE CAPABLE OF HANDLING OUR OWN LIVES SO OTHERS ARE NOT LEFT PICKING UP THE PIECES FOR US…HOW RUDE IS THAT? BUT ANTI-FRAGILE IS NOT TO BE CONFLATED WITH TOUGHNESS, BRITTLENESS, HARD-HEADEDNESS, AND BEATING OURSELVES DOWN TO GAIN THE LESSON OF PULL YOURSELF UP BY YOUR BOOTSTRAPS. IN HERE WE GO WITH GENTLENSS, JUST LIKE THE TORTOISE WHO WINS THE RACE.

Do the work.

THERE IS NO QUICK FIX, MAGIC PILL, ONE WEEK SEMINAR, ONLINE CLASS, SELF-HELP BOOK, NERVOUS SYSTEM EXERCISE OR LIFE-HACK.

GET IN A BOAT. IT WILL EVENTUALLY TAKE YOU TO ANOTHER BOAT. BUT ALL THE BOATS ARE GOOD. IN A BACKWARDS WORLD WHERE INSTANT GRATIFICATION IS PROMISED, WE BUMP UP AGAINST THIS DELUSION BELIEVING THAT SOMEONE ELSE, OR SOME INSTAGRAM TECHNIQUE,OR SNAKE OIL REMEDY WILL SAVE US. AS AN ADVOCATE OF AN ANTI-GURU APPROACH THE WORK HAS TO BE DONE BY US, FOR US. THE CLIMB IS STEEP, BUT THE VIEW AT THE TOP IS SPECTACULAR AND LOOKS WAY BETTER THAN IF WE JUST TOOK A HELICOPTER TO THE TOP. PUT IN THE BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS AND THE REWARDS ARE ABUNDANT. IT IS A LIFETIME OF WORK. AND THE WORK IS EVERY SINGLE DAY. WHAT IS AT STAKE IF WE DON’T COMMIT TO OURSELVES AND THIS WORK? THE WORLD MIGHT JUST KEEP GOING IN THE DIRECTION IT’S GOING…OUR LIVES WILL STAY EXACTLY AS THEY ARE…THAT IS A PERSONAL CHOICE, BUT FOR ME THE WORK IS IMPERATIVE AND ENJOYABLE AS I AM HAPPY TO DO IT.

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